This is going to be a short post...
I promise, this Shall be a short post...did i hear u say 'get on it with already!" My friend, is it your blog? ehn...is it? Free me abegi...i almost stopped at that line..imagine coming here to read "This is going to be a short post! i should try that sometime!"
Its always a great feeling I feel when I successfully put fingers to keyboard/keypad and churn out another post. Its like the feeling YOU get after you release the demon poo that had held you bound on the way from the office, in the bus, through the traffic..you know that feeling of lightness and UberRelief that only toilets can bring…great stuff I tell ya! So, we are gathered here today to view what promises to be a ‘test read’..Yes! a test read! I have received lots of comments on how deranged I am, crazy , insane and all that nice stuff-im deeply grateful…I think my Twitter bio does justice to that, However, this piece is rated INSANE…if u can successfully read and understand the dialogue in this piece then u my friend can pat yourself on the back and take a seat on the invisible insane anonymous chair over there!! I don’t belong to #TeamYaba anything cos I think my craze senior their own…let this be the test of yours..Read and try to understand.
Goodday Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard this KWAL flight 419 from where you are to where I’m taking you. my name is @KevinWithAnL and I shall be your captain on this flight..our destination is Brain: Left side, Your hosts awaiting your arrival are Me, Myself and I…please ensure that your seatbelts are tightly fastened once the seatbelt sign comes up, there are no emergency exits on this flight so sit still and enjoy the ride. We shall be cruising at heights of ecstasy so feel free to orgasm at anytime..Thank you for choosing KWAL..where we don’t really care about safety but satisfaction!
*on arrival at Left side: Brain*
‘I’: Hi! Welcome to the Brain: Left side..As you must have discovered from his bio and tweets, this is where all the rubbish and insanity that @kevinwithanl feeds you with comes from. We like to call it ‘Headquarters’. We shall attempt to help you understand how he ticks..of course you should know that there are voices in his head that govern his actions…u didn’t know that? Oh my! Ah well, ‘I’ am just one of them. I shall allow ‘ME’ to introduce the occupant of Headquarters.
‘ME’: Yes like ‘I’ said, welcome to headqtrs, there are 3 major occupants here: me (that’s me of course *giggles*), Myself and I (who spoke earlier). Oh! Please make yourself comfortable, let me go and find Myself. ‘I’ will continue till myself and me return…
‘I’: Alright, while we await me and myself to return, lets talk about I for a bit (yeah, I’m rastafari like that)…I’m the sole male occupant here in headqtrs, I’m like the head of this Trinity, everyone does what I say, they eat what I like, write what I think, fart when I say so…i mean, I’m just too much. I don’t try to be me or myself, I’m just I (jah rasta!!)..but here’s a little secret, I’m kinda in a fix cos *whispering* I love Me…and I also love Myself..Shhh…don’t ever let ‘em hear it!
‘ME’: Back!!! And I’ve found Myself too..
‘I’: oh! There you are, where were you?
‘MYSELF’: Ah well *sigh* just being myself really…wandering around..
‘I’: Ok, fair enough, we have this visitor who wants to meet us all, I was just telling ‘em how I run things here…
‘MYSELF’: You run things? That ain’t true, you cant do that without ‘Me’!
‘ME’: Exactly! You need Me to make things work!
‘I’: says who?!
‘MYSELF’: says ‘Me’ duhhh….
‘I’: Are you supporting her?
‘MYSELF’: I’m not supporting…as usual, I’m all by myself, I’m just saying…
‘I’: Do you have a problem with I and I ?
‘ME’: Abeg don’t start that Rasta accent with me jare…
‘MYSELF’: ‘I’ , don’t mess with ‘Me’…
‘I’: and whose side are you on?
‘MYSELF’: On the left side (isn’t that where we all are? *shrugs* Smh)
‘I’: alright, lets quit the arguments and be nice to our visitor.
‘ME’: ok, should I Introduce Myself?
‘MYSELF’: Are you asking, ‘Me’?
‘ME’: Just wondering, ok…go ahead
‘MYSELF’: Thanks, dear visitor, you must have been welcomed by Me and I, Well I’m always by myself and most times, as a result, im sad…why? Well one day, the words “I love Me” were said by I while I was in the shower…
‘Myself’: ‘I’ admit it, you love ‘Me’
‘I’: I do!
‘Myself’: There, you see?!
‘Me’: but ‘I’ cant love ‘Me’
‘Me’: cos ‘I’ love(s) ‘Myself’
‘I’ : I am DEAD!
*Both staring at i*
‘I’: ladies calm down!
‘Me’: Calm down? How can I say that?
‘Myself’: Just come out and be plain…Me or Myself?
‘I’: err…err…I love U !
‘Me and Myself’: U?! and who the ‘ell is U?
“U” dear reader is you reading this right now, allow me to at this point appreciate your frequent visits to this post. Yup! You are the reason I try to at least put up something here cos I know that I add to your day in my own little way. So from the bottom, blackest part of me heart, I wanna say I love u! (if you’re a lady, I mean it more..guys u know now..fistbump!)
Yeah! so u made it thus far. Are u still sane or have I beyond reasonable doubt proven that you are probably just as crazy as I am..if u were able to understand the above dialogue and make sense out of it, then congratulations! U are now qualified to add the title ‘insane’ to your CV, resume or Bio! That was just a typology of the arrant nonsense that plays out in my head on the regular (serious o!)..What else is left to say…errr…safe journey to wherever you came from..this was a one way flight so ure gonna have to find ur way back by urself! Haters and Henemies…I really don’t have any words for y’all cos I don’t think u made it this far..your brain capacity can’t contain such brilliance...i’m sure u died while processing the first paragraph…so till next time guys, IshyourBwoy…!!!
*doing the Prakatatumba*
Wasn't this short?